Family

First off, I have to apologize for the lack of posts this week. This year has been particularly stressful. The conference, the move, and now…it’s my family. I feel like I can’t be all things to all people these days, and right now, it’s my family who needs me here the most.

My grandmother, my father’s mother was the one person in the family who always made me feel definitely related. She was the one who loved fashion, she loved make up, beautiful things, loved talking and socializing, and the other person in my family who is left-handed. She would sew most her clothes until arthritis claimed her hands, she had more shoes than anyone I’ve ever met. She tended her garden and kept her house in order for as long as she could walk around the house. ‘You have to keep moving, or you’ll die.’ she said.

A few years ago, she would talk about dying, not in any morbid way…but most of her friends were dying off. She would say… “As long as I have my mind, and if I can die in dignity, I will be happy.”

Then it happened.

She had an accident, and was hospitalized with where they diagnosed her with Alzheimer’s disease. She was losing her mind. It went unnoticed as we all thought she was a bit spacey, but it was more than that. She had to be cared for, so my grandfather and she packed up and moved to Hawaii to be closer to my dad and uncle. That was two years ago.

Sometimes death is sudden, sometimes it’s not. I’m here in Hawaii now, visiting with my grandparents, my grandfather is doing ok, it’s very hard for him. My grandmother, who used to be so talkative and vibrant sits in a wheelchair unable to have a conversation. I think she recognizes me, but I’m not so sure. She’ll hold my hand and tell me she loves me, but she’s never said my name. She recognized my mom, who hasn’t seen her in a decade, but it’s also hard to say.

Alzheimer’s disease is so hard on everyone, the person who suffers, the family. I don’t really know how to describe it, but the woman in the wheelchair, she isn’t the same person I have known my whole life. I miss my grandmother, she was crazy, but I loved her that way.

The only good thing about this is my family has come together in this. My parents were divorced when I was young, and I’ve never been one of those people who wished my parents to be together… they weren’t a good couple. But, yesterday, for the first time in god knows how long, 10? 20? 25 years? My mom, my dad, my sister and I have sat at the same table and talked. It’s really been so long, I’ve forgotten what that was like. Sitting with the people I’m most related to, coming together in a time of need, really meant so much. Yesterday, my mom and I drove my dad to the airport, it was the only time in memory that the three of us had been together. I felt like a little girl sitting in the back seat, strangely content…even though my parents have much suitable partners in their new spouses than they ever were to each other.

I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about my family on this blog, it never really made sense to. This is the place where I come to have fun and talk about fun things and some of the more personal things in my life, seems to belong to a different world. But this week I really need to take the time to spend with my family, because we really don’t have that much time in this world.

Anyway, thanks for bearing with me, I should be back and posting on Monday.
Have a wonderful weekend my dears!

Tagged as: family, Grandma, Hawaii, musings, parents